Is using pornography ok?

This is a topic which causes tension for many couples. Most often there's a gender split  - with men enjoying and women objecting - but not always. If you're in a relationship it's important to realise that you may well both have quite a different view - but both need to be listened to and understood.

Of course that's difficult on a topic that generates powerful reactions of disgust, hurt, anger and even rage. Different values need to be explored and explained; as hard as it may be,listening with an open mind is essential. Try to limit your rejection and judgement - this will make it safer for your partner to give honest responses.

When couples discuss the topic openly they often discover that instead of having their partner masturbating to a picture of someone, there is a longing to be the focus of that partner's attention.

Sometimes the wish may be for a private pleasuring of ourselves which may not require any attention from anyone else.. It may or may not involve the use of erotic or pornographic material. This is valid and not to be seen as destructive.  Problems arise when the erotic material is deeply offensive to the partner and can mean that the partner feels shocked, shut out or neglected. 

For some people, the excitement of viewing pornography becomes ‘addictive' and the user can get into a habit of viewing it frequently or for long periods of time. Any addictive behaviour is destructive and needs professional help.

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